Our Lives Are a Direct Result of Our Choices

In life, the “Big” decisions are big for a reason.  Every decision, every choice we make comes with consequences, good or bad, and some of these consequences can be big, hence those epic “big decisions”.

As I moved through the first half of my life, I lived as most young people do, in the moment.  Now, there is nothing wrong with being present in each moment we live in and, in fact, that is a key to enjoying life.  Be where you are, pay attention to the people you are with at that moment, and engage fully in whatever it is you are doing at that moment.  But where the problem comes in is when we neglect to think about what will happen in a month, a year, in 10 years if we make certain decision or choices.  How will those choices affect us and those around us?

I was a typical high school student for my day and time. Also typical of many high school graduates, I was in a hurry to grow up and do what I wanted; be an “adult.”  I graduated and moved on to college. As I went off to college, I never really thought about the decisions I would have to make.  Whether to go to class or not go, should I stay in and study or go out with friends, what friends would I let influence my decisions and many other day to day choices.

The next real “adult” thing I chose to do was move out of the dorm and into an apartment.  Getting an apartment was what an adult would do, right? Well, that meant doing other adult stuff like getting a job to pay the extra expenses.  It also meant a lot less time around other students who could help keep me headed in the right direction with studying and academic goals.

Getting a job seemed the responsible choice to make, right? Make some money to pay the bills.  Considering I was a college student with little experience at anything and needed to work evenings so I could attend classes during the day that pretty much left retail or food service.  So my job at a restaurant ensued.  Not only did this take time but also energy.  After a busy night, I was tired, too tired to read or study.

Well, not everyone that works at a restaurant is a student.  So I found more friends, unlike friends in the dorms or fellow students, these new friends would go out after work instead of going home to study or get to bed so they could be rested for class the next morning.  These new friends, these coworkers were all very nice and friendly and fun to hang around.  I would often go out with them after our shift intending to stay a short amount of time so I could go home and tend to my studies.  But once we started relaxing after a long night at work, having a few cocktails and a good laugh, the next thing I know the bar was closing down.

Now if you work until the restaurant closes and then go out afterwards until the bars close you may not feel like getting up for class the next day and you certainly had no time to study, read or write that paper.  One begins to slide down that slippery slope at a steady pace.

Before I knew it I had chosen to drop out of college (big decision) and get married (big decision).  Those choices led to two kids (two big decisions) then divorce (big decision).  I did not look ahead to the day a college degree would be necessary to get most any decent job. I did not look ahead to see how divorce affected two small children. I did not look ahead to see the financial strain and emotional stress being a single mother would be.  I did not look ahead to see how these decisions would affect the many people involved.

Now at 50 I am struggling to finish school, find a job that will take me to retirement (which is not all that far away) and doing it all alone as a single parent. But I do it because I choose to do it! I am where I am because of the decisions I made along the way, but I also have discovered who I am and how strong I can be because of the decisions I have made. I can’t blame (or in turn credit) anyone for my misfortune, my successes, my struggles, my victories, my heartache or my new found wisdom.  It is all on me.  My life is a result of my choices.

Our life must consist of being accountable for our decisions, for our choices and being responsible for the consequences; no complaining, no blaming, no victimization, just accepting what is and making better decisions as we learn from our bad ones.  Your life is a result of the choices and decisions you make.  Want a different life? Make different choices. Regardless, your life is your responsibility.